bittersweet blessing

it has been four weeks already since my grampa passed away. almost four weeks down to the hour exactly. the whole evening seems like a blur.

kevin and i were enjoying a relaxing day of doing nothing but watching back-to-back episodes of 'friends'. we lead an exciting life. right when i was about to cook us dinner, i got a phone call from my brother, jack. he sounded upset and asked me if i was sitting down. thinking this was some teenage drama, i slightly sarcastically said i was. then he said...

grampa died. i didn't think i heard him correctly. i asked him to repeat himself. grampa died.

my head was spinning. i burst in to tears and threw my phone at kevin. i think he held me for what felt like a brief moment before i decided to get dressed, pack random objects in which were in my line of sight, and leave to go home.

i will never forget the rush of emotions or feelings felt that evening. thankfully, he passed away while taking a peaceful afternoon nap with no pain or discomfort. later i was told when the paramedics arrived at my grama's house, they could detect a slight heartbeat and were confident he could still hear my grama, mom, and jack speaking to him. they were able to tell him they loved him, it was okay to let go, and he was not alone. this was a blessing, as bittersweet as it was.

enjoy carving your wooden ducks for all of god's mantles. enjoy playing baseball with baseball legends. enjoy being able to breath without the constraints of your oxygen tank. enjoy running and playing fetch with maggie-dog.

sleep well, grampa. i love you.


grama and i when i was barely old enough to walk.