i think (and hope) my roller coaster of mumble jumble emotions is finally over. not being able to physically or mentally handle a typical day in the life of elise was a terribly strange feeling. yes, i am in control of how i act on my emotions, but no, i am not in control of my emotions themselves. not being able to control something that has the power to control you is an icky feeling. what happens, though, when not only can you not control your emotions themselves but you no longer can control how you express them?
my wednesday morning was a perfect example.
being late for my bus caused a horrible, spiral effect of emotions to explode out of me. like a tea pot screeching in order to announce the water is ready, i kicked, screamed, and cried, quite possibly to let the world know i'm ready to accept it, get help dealing with it, and move on. it is surreal looking back on this thirty minute part of my morning. i literally do not believe i had any control over my body: my actions, my words, my thoughts. as cliche as it may sound, i feel as though i was outside of my body just watching myself fall apart. kinda scary...
after i calmed down and began to breathe, i went home. sometimes, the best medicine in life is a teaspoon of laughter, a tablespoon of love, and a whole jar of family.
to know how normal all of these emotions are is comforting; simply learning how to deal with them is difficult.
on a brighter note, i bought my wedding dress yesterday! it is so beautiful and makes me feel like a princess. i just want wear it everywhere, everyday. i wonder if i could start a new trend?
wedding dresses are the new "it" thing for spring? i wish...!
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